DST

20161214_170837This past weekend the time changed. We “sprang forward” an hour and all week I’ve felt like my rhythms have been off kilter. I’m one of those people who don’t like daylight savings time. I think we have enough to deal with in the separate time zones.  I wish we could just pick what time it’s supposed to be be, and leave it alone. What would happen if we only moved the clocks ahead 30 minutes? Or 15? Or none?  What happens to airplane schedules in Arizona where they don’t recognize DST?

The thing is, just when my sleep rhythms were starting to synchronize with the sunrise someone changed the clocks and I’ve been struggling to wake up on time for work all week.  I’m sure this will be short-lived and soon either the sunrise or I will settle back into a routine.

I like the light. I like the dark, too. Like many people, I see my energy levels increase in the summer and I always feel like I could get a lot more accomplished in a single day. In the winter I feel energized because of the cooler weather and probably the inclination to go to bed earlier so I get more sleep. It’s kind of a shame that we the people have had to impose our own nine-to-five time structure onto things, don’t you think? But here we are.  In a couple weeks I will have adjusted, the sun will be up just a few minutes earlier and all will be right again.

Until then – Bring on the COFFEE!!!

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Quieter

20170211_114104A little knitting.

20170313_091547Knitting littles.

Signs of Spring.

Things have been remarkably quiet here on This Side. The days keep flowing into one another and here we are again in the Spring roller coaster. 80 degrees one day, sleet the next. A couple nights ago we were under a tornado watch. It’s only March, so this will happen a few more times before summer settles in. Interestingly, while a good part of the country has been buried in snow this year, the other night I saw on the weather that we have had a record mild winter in regard to snowfall and cold. I think I’ve only worn a coat once. The rest of the time I’ve gotten by with just a sweater.

After what feels like a deep hibernation the last couple of months I was suddenly brought back to life when the Oldest Child landed in the hospital for another 12 days with a flareup of crohn’s. This time we saw a perforation in her colon and spent a nail-biting 4 days determining whether she would have surgery and how much, if not all, of her colon she could lose. This time she got off easily by waiting and in the end it healed itself. Massive antibiotics and pain meds –  but a miss is as good as a mile, right? What a terrible disease this is!

Yesterday was the Second Sunday in Lent, if you follow these things. It’s been years since I followed the practice of “giving something up” for Lent – but each year I DO try to focus on something that might better myself or those around me. This year I’ve been thinking a lot about how much time I spend in front of electronics: TV, cell phone, computer. I’ve been trying for a while to cut back, and what better time than now?  Now, when so many of my friends and family seem to be in need of special thoughts and prayers, how can I justify hours spend watching frivolous TV shows and playing games on a computer. I spend all of my working day in front of a computer screen. There are certainly better uses for the rest of my time. For Lent I’m determined to restrict my viewing time to the 8 hours a day at work – provided we are not threatened with tornados in the neighborhood when turning on the weather channel might be prudent.

The truth is, being a hard-core introvert, I thrive on quiet. A part of me wants to be outgoing and sparkling but if I’m to be true to myself I have to accept the fact that I’m just NOT.  You know what? That’s OK. Being an introvert in an extrovert world means I have to deflect a lot of well-intentioned entreaties from family and friends to “get involved” with things, and believe me, I’ve tried. I’m realizing though, how much more alive I actually feel when I’m living my own way with my involvement coming in through the back door. While I have great admiration for the energy of younger women these days, I’ve decided I’m just as energetic – but in a quieter way.

Maybe, in the end, the bravery I admire in young women today doesn’t have so much to do with WHAT they are doing in terms of travel and adventure, but more with the idea that they are finding their own unique rhythms. That said – anytime we can find our own niche’ and know where we belong is a moment to celebrate. Don’t you think?

 

whisper. . .

We don’t always have to fill the space with sound.

We don’t always have to fill the space with motion.

Sometimes all we really need is silence and stillness.

Time to feel our heartbeat slow back into its own rhythm.

Time to let the whirling, twirling trains in our heads stop their clickety-clacking and come to a slow          quiet              rest.

Maybe we can silence the din that hums so incessantly in the background.

And in the silence maybe we can find our voice again

and hear the truth of our own soul.

 

Hesitation

It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Feels like my brain went on vacation and didn’t want to come back. I don’t think I can blame it on Christmas. I wasn’t particularly busy. In fact, I went out-of-town for Christmas weekend, so I didn’t even cook.  New Years weekend was a lovely 3 days off with no plans or events, so as you can see – I have no excuses. In December I worked. In January, I worked.

In the process of dealing with year-end paperwork the question of vacation time has come up. This was the year I was going to make another journey back to Wyoming. Originally it was just a plan to visit again without letting so much time go by but then my friend there reminded me of the solar eclipse in August. As it turns out, the path of the eclipse goes directly over Jackson Hole (my destination) and we begin thinking about how that could work.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the area, Jackson is literally the southern entrance to Grand Teton National Park and thereby, Yellowstone. In the best of years the traffic and crowds are intense in the summer but this year it’s going to be something all together “more”.  I’ve been seeing advertisements for months about places to stay and things to do while coming for the eclipse.

Although there are several reasons aside from this, I have been rethinking this trip and I don’t think it’s going to happen this year. Maybe next spring. The thing that struck me though was that the crowds and busyness didn’t even used to be a part of the conversation. But NOW the whole idea of all the people and plane schedules and traffic just sounds extremely stressful and unappealing. My friend reminded me that I would be staying with her and we know Jackson so well that it would be easy to avoid the thousands of people everywhere with eyes turned towards the sky. This is true, but it’s not really the point. Restaurants, stores, roads and especially the parks will be jam-crammed full to the gills.

But why do I hesitate?

I think it’s a combination of age and depleting energy. I see this in myself more and more when I think about a perfect vacation – or even a perfect day. I visualize quiet and peace and space.  Breathing room, not excitement and adventure.

Do our preferences reflect our age, or does our age dictate our preferences?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed a considerable diminishing of energy. I know that most of this (for me) is related to health issues, but not all. I think my age and my life experience just make some things sound not-so-exciting any more. Overcrowding anywhere doesn’t strike me as a good thing. I haven’t been to the mall in a couple of years.

The whole idea makes me a little sad. I miss the fearlessness of that 30-year-old I used to be. I’m not convinced more energy would bring her back and for now this is how I view the aging process – with sadness.  Maybe if I could gain back some of that missing energy it would be enough to help me approach aging with fierceness instead.

I love reading about young women today who are taking back themselves – becoming wild women – strong and fierce and full of life. I love that they are working in the first half of their lives to be brave.  They are relatively young though, and I can’t help but wonder about the sustainability of that kind of energy. It’s possible, of course. My friend was just telling me about a woman she knows who is climbing mountains at 70, but I think this is the exception. (I hope I’m wrong.)

Is “slowing down” just natural?

There are so many conversations to have about this, but I think it boils down to finding a compromise between acceptance and making a decision to try a little harder to feel a little better.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with my preference to avoid crowds and noise. I’m pretty much of an introvert anyway, but I would like the choice to come from a place of thought rather than exhaustion.

To be clear, I’m not talking about giving up and just laying down to wait for death to find me. I’m talking about the gradual shifting of energy and perception and life-style. Is it OK to slow down? Is it OK to tone down? If not, why not? If not, who says?

What are your thoughts?

 

 

 

No Pressure

20161128_201112Thanksgiving came and went quietly……….. quietly. It drifted in with a thick damp fog and passed with the same stillness. I spent a contented few days at home curled in the warmth of blankets and hot drinks and woolly projects and seasonal movies. I felt very still myself and for that I was thankful.

The past few Thanksgivings have seen the Oldest Child make the trek down from points north. We would fill the days with traditional dinner and movies or football, and the weekend with fun events.  This year, however, she is in a new home and spent a happy weekend with friends and busyness and running here and there, and I was happy for her to be able to do the things she wanted to do.

Long ago I went through a time when obligations took over the holidays. There could never be any variations in the plans, and no matter what may have been going on elsewhere, I was not allowed. There was only one place where I spent holidays. Looking back, I’m glad to have been where I needed to be, but now, with my grown children, I want them to know that they ARE allowed.  They are allowed to make the best holiday plans that they can. If travel comes up – I want them to go. If a binge of parties are offered, I want them to accept.

I’m lucky, because I know I am invited.  I know there is always a place for me if I want to jump in, and for that too I am thankful. I also know that if a time comes that I want to travel, or take advantage of invitations, or, as was the case this year, stay quietly at home and catch up on some much needed rest, that I am allowed.

20161128_200813I love my girls; I love spending time with them and I love spending Holidays with them, but we all live busy lives and the one thing I don’t want is for our special days to be clouded by a cloak of obligation that could easily morph into a burden.  How Blessed are the times we spend together because we truly want to be with one another! How fortunate that as my adult children gain in years and experience that we also grow in friendship!

Living from the heart – living from a place of love is really what I wish for all of us this Holiday Season.  I hope your days were joyful and blessed. I hope that the places you went or the people you were with were met heart to heart. I hope the days to come will be magical.

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Season-ing

20161106_083553The season is upon us. Halloween is past and Thanksgiving is only a week away. The November super moon has had it’s moments and we are moving toward winter and the solstice. Have you ever thought that it’s odd that winter begins only when the days start growing longer?

It’s been an odd Autumn where I live. I’ve talked about the weather this year – from hot to cold and back again. We’ve had our first frost,

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and yet we’re in the middle of another warm spell as I write this – 78 today again before dropping into the 40’s this weekend. The trees, while turning little by little, seem to be really struggling this year and many have just turned brown. Some had color until that first frost a few days ago and some still do but the grass is still green. 20161115_132126

20161107_180457I’ve had this little Christmas Cactus for many years now. It never seems to get much bigger (I probably need to re-pot it) and it has always bloomed for Thanksgiving instead of Christmas. It has also never had more than one or two blooms per year. Back in the summer I managed to remember to look up the care and feeding of these little plants and come August, I stopped watering it. I didn’t put it away or do anything unusual with it besides the lack of water. Just before Halloween it suddenly sprouted little buds all over it’s wee self.  Although it is not impressive by many standards, I felt like this year it was a gold metal winner. 20161112_234711_001

There’s not much going on for the holidays here on This Side. Thanksgiving promises to be a quiet and restful long weekend. I have Friday off work, as well as Thursday, and I will be staying close to home. I’m afraid I’m not one of the Black Friday shoppers. Years and years ago I tried it once – but it didn’t take and I’ve avoided it ever since. Good luck, though, to those of you who are brave enough to get out there. I admire your stamina. Christmas will be spent with the Oldest Child in her new home and should also be a lovely time.

Here’s hoping we can all be Grateful and Happy for the Holidays and always. We’ve still got a few weeks to go, so let’s be kind and respectful to one another. Let’s enjoy the sparkle of the lights and the beauty of the carols and the Peace of a peaceful season.